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A lot of other professions use the term ‘Architect,’ for many its sacrilegious. I have mixed opinions on the ‘titles issue’ as there are more pressing matters facing the profession. However, this is a great way to lighten the mood. In a prior post, In the Game , I offered up some suggestions for us architects to join in and play the game. I’m going to keep pilfering other professions titles and terminology and stay in the game… as the kids say, “Don’t hate the playa, hate da game!” They still say that, right… right? Thanks to Ron Lincoln for playing along and providing the additional titles.

 

 

2015-01-27_blog_image_the name game mba

 

 

2015-01-27_blog_image_the name game md

 

 

2015-01-27_blog_image_the name game dds

 

Have any to add? Post them in the comments section; if I get enough I’ll make up some more graphics.

 

 

Design On,

 

 

 

Keith Palma, NCARB, LEED AP, MD, DDS, MBA

 


photos from photostream on FLICKR and have been used under the creative commons license, in order erik ERXON , Herry Lawford, and  Matthew Burpee


General graphic layout inspired by Jody Brown at Coffee With an Architect.

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2014-05-20_blog_image_the break up part 1

After 14 years or so the AIA and I have broken up… seems I’ve put on a few extra pounds and the AIA has… well… they’ve gotten to be high maintenance. The magic is gone. No matter what I do it’s not enough. We’ll always have… hmm… not sure what we’ll always have. We did have some good times though, didn’t we? Perhaps we can rekindle our relationship in the future (I left a turtleneck in their closet ** air thumbs up! **). For now though, and for the sake of the design, we have parted. A follow-up post in the future will cover more specifics. For now I give you some revised lyrics from the Counting Crows Mr. Jones (VH1 Storytellers version):

1 qoute

 

 

So you wanna be an AIA Member,

Well listen now to what I say,

Just get a bank account,

And take some time, and learn how to pay,

Just learn how to pay.

 

Well I was down at the New AIA Headquarters,

Just staring at this yellow painted gable,

Mr. AIA strikes up a conversation,

With the black haired flamenco drafter,

You know, she dances while his father pays the dues,

She’s suddenly beautiful,

And we all want something beautiful,

And I wish I was beautiful la la la.

 

I’ll call-up Mies- come on,

Show me some of them contemporary designs,

And pass me a contract Mr. AIA,

Believe in me, come on,

Help me believe in AIA,

‘Cause I wanna be someone who believes.

 

Mr. AIA and me,

Tell each other fairy tales,

We stare at the beautiful architecture,

“She’s looking at you, no no, she’s looking at me,”

Standing in this permit office,

Coming through in stereo,

When everybody loves modernism,

You should never be lonely.

 

I wanna paint myself an outfit,

I wanna paint myself in black and charcoal and grey and dark grey,

All the beautiful colors are very, very meaningful,

Yeah, you know black it’s my favorite color,

I just, wear it everyday,

But if I knew Corbu,

I would buy myself a dark grey mock turtleneck and pay.

 

Mr. AIA and me,

Look into the future,

We stare at all the beautiful Architecture,

“She’s looking at you, I don’t think so, she’s looking at me,”

Presenting to this Planning Commision,

I bought myself this black suit and tie,

Man, when everybody loves me,

I hope I’ll never get lonely.

 

I wanna be a lion, I know, I know-

Everybody wants to pass as cats,

We all wanna be big, big, big, big, big starchitects,

Yeah but then we get second thoughts about that,

So believe in me, man, I don’t believe in anything,

And I wanna be someone to believe,

You should not believe in post modernism.

 

Mr. AIA and me,

Stumbling through the city grid,

We stare at all the beautiful Architecture,

She’s perfect for you, there’s got to be someone for me,

I wanna be Richard Neutra,

Mr. AIA wishes he was someone just a little more, you know flexible,

Man, when everybody loves you and dues are so high,

Sometimes, that’s just about as fucked up as you can be,

 

Can’t you hear me ’cause I’m screaming

But I did not pay my dues this year,

Oh, don’t wake me ’cause I was dreaming

And I make you worth it again today.

 

Mr. AIA and me, we don’t see each other much… anymore.

2 qoute


 

 

Design On,

** The acoustic version will be awesome!  

A few weeks ago I posted Crickets; it addressed my frustration with potential clients being unresponsive. However, I just can’t let it rest. As an architect I’m always looking to solve the problem at hand and make my client’s responsibilities as easy and efficient as possible. As such, I’ve created a [un]Response Form that can be left with potential clients to review and choose their response. I’ll even go so far as to provide a self-addressed stamped envelope for return of the [un]Response Form. Hopefully, this will elicit a few more responses. I present the latest in my library of forms:

 

2013-11-21_blog_image_unresponsive

 

Download a PDF for your own use ->[un]Response Form

 

Design On,

** the form is provided free of charge, and you assume all liability and comical consequences- however, at any point in the future I can decide to charge $79.99 for a one time use of the form… enjoy! 

2013-11-15_blog_image_dear architects

While cleaning out some files I came across this gem of prose. Although Annie Choi’s Open Letter to Architects has been ‘out there’ for quite some time now, it still makes me laugh. Anyone who has dealt with an architect or has a sense of humor should read this, it’s pretty damn funny

1 qoute

 

Dear Architects, I am sick of your shit.
Annie Choi (An Open Letter)

Once, a long time ago in the days of yore, I had a friend who was studying architecture to become, presumably, an architect. This friend introduced me to other friends, who were also studying architecture. Then these friends had other friends who were architects- real architects doing real architecture like designing luxury condos that look a lot like glass dildos. And these real architects knew other real architects and now the only people I know are architects. And they all design glass dildos that I will never work or live in and serve only to obstruct my view of New Jersey.

Do not get me wrong, architects. I like you as a person. I think you are nice, smell good most of the time, and I like your glasses. You have crazy hair, and if you are lucky, most of it is on your head. But I do not care about architecture. It is true. This is what I do care about:

– Burritos

– Hedgehogs

– Coffee

As you can see, architecture is not on the list. I believe that architecture falls somewhere between toenail fungus and invasive colonoscopy in the list of things that interest me.

Perhaps if you didn’t talk about it so much, I would be more interested. When you point  to a glass cylinder and say proudly, hey my office designed that. I giggle and say it looks like a bong. You turn your head in disgust and shame. You think. obviously she does not understand. What does she know? She is just a writer. She is no architect. She respects vowels, not glass cocks. And then you say now I am designing a lifestyle center, and I ask what is that, and you say it is a place that offers goods and services and retail opportunities and I say you mean like a mall and you say no. It is a lifestyle center. I say it sounds like a mall. I am from the Valley, bitch. I know malls.

Architects, I will not lie, you confuse me. You work sixty, eighty hours a week and yet you are always poor. Why aren’t you buying me a drink? Where is your bounty of riches? Maybe you spent it on merlot. Maybe you spent it on hookers and blow. I cannot be sure. It is a mystery. I will leave that to the scientists to figure out.

Architects love to discuss how much sleep they have gotten. One will say how he was at the studio until five in the morning, only to return again two hours later. Then another will say, oh that is nothing, I haven’t slept in a week. And then another will say, guess what, I have never slept ever. My dear architects, the measure of how hard you’ve worked and how much you’ve accomplished is not related to the number of hours you have not slept. Have you heard of Rem Koolhaas? He is a famous architect. I know this because you tell me he is a famous architect. I hear that Rem Koolhaas is always sleeping. He is, I presume, sleeping right now. And I hear he gets shit done. And  I also hear that in a stunning move, he is making a building that looks not like a glass cock, but like a concrete vagina. When you sleep more, you get vagina. You can all take a lesson from Rem Koolhaas.

Life is hard for me, please understand. Architects are an important part of my existence. They call me at eleven at night and say they just got off of work, am I hungry? Listen, it is practically midnight. I ate hours ago. So long ago that, in fact, I am hungry again. So yes, I will go. Then I will go and there will be other architects talking about AutoCAD shortcuts and something about electric panels and can you believe that is all I did today, what a drag. I look around the table at the poor, tired, and hungry, and think to myself, I have but only one bullet left in the gun. Who will I choose?

I have a friend who is a doctor. He gives me drugs. I enjoy them. I have a friend who is a lawyer. He helped me sue my landlord. My architect friends have given me nothing. No drugs,no medical advice, and they don’t know how to spell subpoena. One architect friend figured out that my apartment was one hundred and eighty seven square feet. That was nice. Thanks for that.

I suppose one could ask what  someone like me brings to  architects like yourselves. I bring cheer. I yell at architects when they start talking about architecture. I force them to discuss far more interesting topics, like turkey eggs. Why do we eat chicken eggs, but not turkey eggs? They are bigger. And people really like turkey. See? I am not afraid to ask the tough questions.

So, dear architects, I  will stick around, for only a little while. I hope that one day some of you will become doctors and lawyers or will figure out my taxes. And we will laugh at the days when you spent the entire evening talking about some European you’ve never met who designed a building you will never see because you are too busy working on something that will never get built. But even if that day doesn’t arrive, give me a call anyway, I am free.

Yours truly,
2 qouteAnnie Choi

Annie Choi is a writer living in a 187 square foot apartment in New York City. Her memoir Birthday or Whatever, Track Suits, Kim Chee, and Other Family Disasters will be released by Harper Collins in April 2007

 

Design On,

** photo from Jakob Montrasio’s photostream on Flickr (used under the Creative Common License)  

A lot of other professions use the term ‘Architect,’ for many it’s blasphemy. Me, I’m going to start pilfering other professions titles and terminology and get in the game… as the kids say, “Don’t hate the playa, hate da game!” They still say that, right… right?

 

 

JD

 

 

IT

 

 

PHD

 

 

CPA

 

 

scd

 

On second thought, one of these may not work so well. Have any to add? Put them in the comments section below. If I get enough I’ll make up some more graphics!

 

Design On,

 

 

 

Keith Palma, AIA, NCARB, LEED AP, JD, IT Specialist, PHD, CPA, Sc. D.

 


All photos are from Matthew Burpee’s photostream on FLICKR and have been used under the creative commons license.


General graphic layout inspired by Jody Brown at Coffee With an Architect.